I See Parallels

 The longer I live the more I admire my mother.  I try to emulate her.  Since I have up and moved far away from my family I see parallels.

Not in everything, she married late and I married early.  Her third child and only son was born with severe cerebral palsy and she was forty-five. All four of mine were healthy and whole before I was thirty.

She was married to an over the road, long haul truck driver who was not around much to help.  He did help when he was there.

Anyway, after both girls moved to Texas and Dad retired, they came down to the Houston area, bought a house, Daddy worked the players gate at the Astrodome and he loved that.

Unfortunately, while not freezing cold winters, Gulf Coast heat and humidity turned out to not be a great choice for folks with rampant arthritis, Mom, and emphysema, Dad, they decided to head for the higher and drier west.  After a year of checking out towns and nursing homes, they chose Lordsburg, New Mexico, as far west as you can go in NM on Interstate ten. Laura helped them drive, two vehicles, 915 miles west in the summer of 1976.

Daddy died in the Lordsburg Hospital on Super Bowl Sunday, January 9, 1977.

Royce was ensconced at Sunshine Haven nursing home, from which Mom retrieved him for rides in the desert during the week and home cooked Sunday dinners with his choice of classical music.

She got a part time job at the Lordsburg Public Library to supplement her Social Security, was active at the First Methodist Church, and looked forward to regular letters, phone calls and typically at least one trip from us most years.  Both Laura and Kathy spent lengthy summers when they were in high school.  During part of those years my sister and her family actually moved there.  Doug graduated from Lordsburg High School.

Mom was a good traveler and you could get the train to stop in Lordsburg.  She even took it to LA where she transferred to the one that goes up to Seattle along the ocean and visited her sister, Lois.  She could also flag it down and be in Houston 1000 miles later.  She came for special occasions, weddings and to meet her first great grands.

I wonder if she ever felt deserted.  She had Royce to take care of and that was her greatest commitment.

She worked at the Library until she was 84.  By a quirk, in 1992 my boss sent me to take a van and wave runners to Arizona, stopping to see her.  She thought she'd cracked a rib falling in the kitchen but she had pneumonia.  I got her to the hospital in Silver City and she was gone in the week, at eighty-eight.

Fast forward to 2017.  I'm 76 and living in a little house in Chandler, after retiring two or three times and making myself available to Kathy's family while she was still teaching and in the throes of opening her life's dream store. I thought I could find supplemental income to enable house, car, utilities and food purchases that Social Security income did not cover.  I was wrong.  A five hour gig serving dinner to a thousand at the Green Acres church hall resulted in $38.  And that was about all that was available.  Employment agencies were pretty clear that a 1940 birthdate indicated that I was not employable.

I have lived in Puerto Vallarta for four years now.  Not a "normal" four years.  Whatever normal was. I can afford a small furnished apartment in this gloriously beautiful place.  I have made wonderful friends, including a surprise romance that thrilled me and broke my heart.  I typically get back to family members where they are; graduations, weddings, and just fun visits, when the law allows.  All four of my offspring have been here, as have five of the grands.  

But I do see the parallels of my mom and me.  And I wonder if I'm doing it well.  She did.